Editor's note: In the Kingdom of Tonga, an island nation in the South Pacific, absentee fathers are common. Through the Mango Tree Center, a Nazarene ministry for disabled people, the Holy Spirit is bringing restoration and healing. Families are learning how to love one another as Christ loved the church.
To help turn the tide of broken families, the center has launched a new ministry called Father's Meetings to support fathers as they lead and provide for their wives and children. Director Rev. In-Kwon Kim describes the new ministry.
Engage: What is the purpose behind the new Father’s Meetings?
In-Kwon: There are two reasons we have this father’s meeting. The first reason is that a father is always an outsider in our ministry. In December 2009, when we had a family camp at the beach, many fathers neither came nor were involved in our camp activities. Unlike the mothers, the fathers were onlookers.
The second reason is to help families. Tongan families seem to break very easily. Fathers always play a central role in their families. It is true that every Tongan father is in the center of family problems, like divorce, domestic violence and financial difficulty.
We provide family-centered ministry. We serve not only the people with disabilities but also their parents, brothers, and sisters. We focus on caring for the parents, such as the mother who sacrifices her life raising their children with disabilities and a father who faithfully leads such a difficult family.
Through the Father’s Meeting, they can come to know that there are other people with the same difficulties as them. Also, the meeting gives them an opportunity to get useful information on how to bring up their special children.
Engage: Is there a reason why it is common in Tonga for men to fail in being faithful to their wives or in caring appropriately for them and their children?
In-Kwon: I can say that there are two reasons.
First, the drinking culture of Tonga. Culturally, Tongans used to have a Kava ceremony, which is traditional liquor, before any event event. Even on Sundays, many Tongan churches allow their members to drink Kava before having a worship service. It is true that many church members have a worship service under the influence of liquor. This drinking culture tends to form a tolerant attitude towards the bad influence and the negative results of liquor. In many cases, men commit severe domestic violence against their wives and children under the influence of liquor.
Second, some fathers do not seem to realize that they have a strong responsibility to their families. This kind of problem belongs to not only fathers but also to mothers. When one of them has an affair, their family tends to break very easily. This irresponsible lifestyle has a very bad influence on their children.
Engage: You had 13 fathers attend a meal to initiate the Father’s Meeting. Why was a meal chosen as an effective way to get fathers together to talk about parenting and being men of God?
In-Kwon: Mostly, in every meeting in Tonga, we share a meal. Because the meeting was new to the fathers, we prepared a meal and tried to build fellowship among them. Before the meeting, they didn’t know each other, but through the meal, they became close friends.
Engage: Were all these men who attended the first meeting Christian?
In-Kwon: Most of them are Christians. But some don’t go to church on Sunday and there are two Mormons.
Engage: Is it especially difficult for men who have disabled children in Tonga?
In-Kwon: Although parents can share their hardship together, the one who suffers the most from having children with disabilities would be the mother. The parents feel ashamed from the fact that they have a child with disabilities among their community. Surely, whenever a father represents his family in the community, he would feel such a sense of shame.
Engage: Is this a group that will meet regularly?
In-Kwon: They would like to have the meeting monthly, but because there is no bus after 5 p.m., we decided to have the meeting quarterly. They even elected a representative to develop the meeting.
Engage: What is your plan for the future of this ministry? Is it something that will be a tool for outreach and evangelism to men, or mostly educate Nazarene born-again men?
In-Kwon: The main purpose of this meeting is to transform fathers.
At the second meeting which was held in April, I proposed to the fathers to have a “Bible study” and a course with me on "How to Build Healthy Families." Surprisingly, some of them applied to each course immediately. Conclusively, the ultimate goal of the meeting is to build godly families in Tonga by transforming fathers with God’s Word.